I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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