First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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