hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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