Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
