i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
