So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize