I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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