I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
