I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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