Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
