I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
