Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
