i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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