oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize