i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
