she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
