The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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