But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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