I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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