the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
