There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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