She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
