My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
