I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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