Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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