I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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