i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
