Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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