my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
