Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
