Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
did i walk over a car last night?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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