Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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