No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
