i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
