Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
