my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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