Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
