fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
