i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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