So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
