Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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