I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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