i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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