your parents love me but you hate me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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