Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
