So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
