She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
