I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
