I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize