I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
