first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
