4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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