Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
