We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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