i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
