Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
