I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
