I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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