we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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