my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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