You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn