if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?