so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.