His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
