The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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