Please, let me fuck your mom
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
