I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
