She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
