weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
